Choke

Choke, choke, choke!

Choke it!

Choke you hate.

Smother all feelings.

Make yourself blank; unyielding to that which rages inside you.

Imperfection! All emotion is imperfection. Simple faults in our system.

Do not SHOW them. Never SPEAK of them.

And, better yet, FEEL them not.

These are signs that the machine has broken and requires correction, reparation.  

You are broken.

So, quiet yourself.

Your mind – your thoughts – exists only to be extinguished. Remember that. This is important.

Sedate them. Bind them up. Cage them, and drown the key in nothingness.

Swallow your tongue. Bite it off with razor teeth, and choke on the blood and bile.

Do all in your power.

It’s all right! This is how it should be. How you should be.

An ever smiling perfection (to a fault).

Model student.

Let them sew your mouth shut, and lie forever. Always.

Be grateful. They are, after all, doing you a favour.

Respect it. Love it. Adore it. SERVE it.

Euthanize your mind, your thoughts, yourself.

Do all this and you shall obtain happiness.
Smile as they strip away your integrity. Laugh as they peel it away like tender skin from your flesh.

You are not your own. You are theirs.

Never forget: smile and swallow.

Smile.

And.

Swallow.

I need to express my anger somehow, and since I cannot do it verbally or physically due to circumstances, then writing it is. This is a piece of my mind; a description, of sorts, of how I feel. How I am not allowed to be who I am, and the constant need to correct myself after someone else's ideals. I feel extremely unjustly treated, but for the moment all I can do is to hang in there. I am sure this experience will make me a stronger, better person some day. I am grateful for the perspective it has given me. But some days, some days just straight up suck!